Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Transformers Cubed

Monday night brought with it the chance to see Transformers for a third time, a possibility that intrigued me nearly as much as Sean's sexuality. Seriously though, who wouldn't want to go see a movie as badass as Transformers for a third time?? "Not me," says I.

So on that note, we rolled out to the 50 cent movie theater last night with high hopes and loose wallets, excited for the possibility of seeing robots in our midst. Regrettably, they wouldn't be real robots, a fact that continues to sadden me to this day. Does that ever make you mad? Not having totally sweet robots? This is 2007; there should be totally advanced robots existing and transforming into totally awesome Chevy Camaro's or giant semi-trailer trucks. I'm seriously tempted to name any kid I have Optimus Prime.

As torturous as that kid's adult life would likely be, imagine the possibilities among the elementary and pre-teen age groups. All of them have likely seen and experienced what Transformers has to offer and probably agree that the character 'Optimus Prime' is one of the most badass motherfuckers around, and is also one of the best looking best singing motherfuckers in the world. If he sang, duh. Teachers calling roll call would likely be the most fun, as they read the kid's name with complete disbelief and tentatively ask if Optimus Prime was present. My kid would then jump out of his seat and stand on his desk, shouting at the top of his lungs: "AUTOBOTS! ENGAGE!" God, I seriously just got goosebumps thinking about how awesome that would be. Imagine the final scene from "Dead Poets Society" but with a happy atmosphere and kids half that age. Also imagine that instead of saying "Oh Captain, my Captain" like a bunch of pansies...one awesome kid stands up and the rest rally around him! OMG!

I'm 22. Sad.

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