Saturday, September 22, 2007

Me + 34 years

So today I met the 56 yr old black version of myself. It was pretty scary to be perfectly honest. We were doing siding together and I was saying how you needed to make sure the pieces fit in tight together and he caught me off guard with "Haha mannn I liiike it tight." I was completely thrown off my builder game and realized that it was exactly what I would have said if I had been in certain types of company. I gave a nervous laugh and just kept plugging along, pretending that it didn't happen. What could I have possibly said that didn't worsen the situation?

Option A:
"Oh yea man me too. I feel ya on that one."

This had potential, but the simple fact that I would have been uttering it to a 56 year old man made me feel just plain dirty. I mean, I'm not a champion of virtue, dignity, and non-perversion or anything of the sort (duh) but the situation was just wrong. If I had been the filter between his brain and mouth I would likely have voted to not say that I liked it tight.

Option B:
"Dude no way! I like that reaaal loose."

Ok. News Flash. I actually don't have a giant penis. No 9" of glory for me. I don't need a hugely loose ham wallet. Loose vajayjay is really something that is usually reserved for porn starts and post-childbirth mothers (and total sluts, of course). It also would have been wrong on a different level. Siding actually does need to be super tight and locked in place. So I would have, in effect, been encouraging an incorrect method of building by suggesting that I liked it real loose, regardless of the implications. No can do partner. Shit needs to be on lock down for siding. No loose joints.

Option C:

"Sir, I object to your implications. Spare me the immaturity."

While this may very well be the safest option in terms of not getting yourself into trouble, it goes completely against any dogmas I may have established in past instances. Obviously the most Habitat friendly response, it likely would have been laughed at and ridiculed, which is something that my fragile psyche just can't handle at the moment. Yea that's horseshit.

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