Thursday, August 1, 2013

Elite Triathlete Application

Job Description

Here's your chance to compete among the professional field in triathlons with the opportunity to win loads and loads of prize money while amassing fame, fortune, and a lifetime of great memories! This is a career field with huge amounts of upward mobility that is steeped in tradition, history, and a pursuit of excellence.  Are you a go-getter, type A personality? Well then there's no need to look any further! Wanna get out exactly what you put in? Well, no need to look further! The more you apply yourself, the more you'll get out of the job.

Essential Responsibilities

Essential responsibilities include (but are not limited to):

  • Being "on the job" 20-30+ hours a week
  • Prep time for "on the job" workday can, but does not always include, an additional 5-10hrs/week
  • Becoming a bike mechanic
  • Learning the schedules for all local masters swimming groups
  • Learning the schedules for all local weekly group bike rides
  • Mapping out and determining the approximate (but sometimes exact) locations of all area tracks, greenways, flat roads, hilly roads, and trail options for running
  • Mapping out and memorizing all straightforward bicycling routes, alternate routes, detour routes, spurs, add-on options, short-cut options, tailwind options, climbing options, flat options, headwind options, low-traffic options, fast options, slow options, easy options, hard options, and basically any other kind of option
  • Be willing to wear little to no clothing at all depending on the exercising being done and preferably color coding all clothing, accessories and equipment at all times.
  • Travel is 75%
  • Have a social life that is centered and focused on friends that you train with regularly and have little to no time to make friends outside of your close-knit self-imposed community
  • Other responsibilities updated as job context changes and positional influences alter

Required Skills and Experience

  • Preferably come from a single or dual sport background
    • Lifetime swimmers are the preference
    • Secondary preference would be collegiate and/or Division I runners
    • Lowest priority is an applicant with no prior history of athletic excellence
  • Proficiency with social media outlets (facebook, twitter, instagram, blogging platforms)
    • Must make continuous efforts at self-promotion
    • Must be able to speak coherently about workouts, races, and product usage for the sake of employers and sponsors
    • In general, be willing and able to talk about oneself non stop and with reckless abandon
  • Must be willing to maintain a strict bodily appearance
    • Shaving every one to two days is an absolute must
    • At all times be able to produce pictures that showcase vascularity, definition, shredded-ness, upper body weakness (while still making sure to show off strong lat muscles and shoulders), etc.
Company Description

Professional Triathletes, INC is an equal opportunity employer.  Each applicant will be considered by factoring in prior employment history, athletic resume, future potential, marketability, and general affability.

Thank you very much for your consideration!

Remember that at PTInc hard work = fame and fortune.

1 comment:

Accelerate3 said...

You forgot Snapchat.