"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice:
Verse 1:
All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Verse 2:
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
Falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas
Bumpet to bumper the avenue's packed
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack
Police on the scene you know what I mean
They passed me up confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Verse 3:
Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while Shay revolves it
A classic, needless to say. Now something more modern.
"Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy:
Verse 1:
Soulja Boy up in it (OH!)
Watch Me Lean And Watch Me Rock
Super Man Dat (OH!)
Then Watch Me Crank Dat Robocop
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
(Now You)
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
And If We Get The Fightin
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cuz
"I Got Me Some Bathin Apes"
Verse 2:
I'm Bouncin On My Toe
Watch Me Super Soak Dat (OH!)
I'ma Pass It To Arab
Then He Gon Pass It To The Low (Low)
Haterz Wanna Be Me
Soulja Boy, I'm The Man
They Be Lookin At My Neck
Sayin Its The Rubberband Man (Man)
Watch Me Do It (Watch Me Do It)
Dance (Dance)
Let Get To It (Let Get To It)
Nope, You Can't Do It Like Me
Hoe, So Don't Do It Like Me
Folk, I See You Tryna Do It Like Me
Man That Shit Was Ugly
As maligned as Vanilla Ice is/was, his song is lightyears better than what is currently one of the favorite rap/hip-hong songs of 2007. That is honestly just depressing. Crank Dat is incredibly poorly written, stupid, and has absolutely no redeeming value except for a funny video on youtube of kids dancing to that song. Pre-teens dancing to lines like "Superman that Ho." Classy, real classy. Where did Eminem go and how did he take all good rap with him? 50 Cent blows now. Anything associated with rap and hip-hop pretty much blows now. Nothing has any quality. It's shameful
Monday, December 10, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
My lover Hughes
Dear Yankees,
Despite your owners' new-found love of proactive and aggressive dealing with the media and public, you have not yet destroyed your image. Dealing Phil Hughes however, will.
Sincerely,
Your Real Fans
PS - If this happens, it is GUARANTEED to backfire.
Despite your owners' new-found love of proactive and aggressive dealing with the media and public, you have not yet destroyed your image. Dealing Phil Hughes however, will.
Sincerely,
Your Real Fans
PS - If this happens, it is GUARANTEED to backfire.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Pats Eagles
What the Patriots giveth, they also take away.
AJ Feeley was not exceptional by any definition of the word but the Eagles D actually played the NFL's best offense very well. Feeley threw two bad passes, both of which were to Kevin Curtis. One was a definite touchdown but was underthrown by about 3-4 yards. Curtis had both the CB and S beat by about a yard but Feeley couldn't throw the ball far enough. What a pussy. The second was a forced pass that dropped right into Asante Samuel's hands. Terrible, terrible throw.
Feeley's second pass of the game was also another forced pass. Samuel, like the stat-padder that he is, jumped the route and ran the pick in for six.
The Pats just looked lazy this whole game. I don't think any of them looked at the scoreboard the entire game and just assumed they were winning. No real looks of panic/shock. Still, the Colts should have beat them and the Eagles were gift-wrapped a W. They won't go 16-0.
AJ Feeley was not exceptional by any definition of the word but the Eagles D actually played the NFL's best offense very well. Feeley threw two bad passes, both of which were to Kevin Curtis. One was a definite touchdown but was underthrown by about 3-4 yards. Curtis had both the CB and S beat by about a yard but Feeley couldn't throw the ball far enough. What a pussy. The second was a forced pass that dropped right into Asante Samuel's hands. Terrible, terrible throw.
Feeley's second pass of the game was also another forced pass. Samuel, like the stat-padder that he is, jumped the route and ran the pick in for six.
The Pats just looked lazy this whole game. I don't think any of them looked at the scoreboard the entire game and just assumed they were winning. No real looks of panic/shock. Still, the Colts should have beat them and the Eagles were gift-wrapped a W. They won't go 16-0.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Alex Rodriguez + NYY = Postseason lock
New World Series favorite: the 2008 New York Yankees.
Thanks A-Rod, for realizing that Boras was not good for your image.
Sincerely,
The New York Yankees and their fans
Thanks A-Rod, for realizing that Boras was not good for your image.
Sincerely,
The New York Yankees and their fans
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Bankers
Having recently worked (this past week) with some young, fresh-out-of-college Wachovia employees I can safely say that Sean and Sam aren't the biggest tools I know, if only because these Wachovia people also talked about their bonuses and earning potential non FUCKING stop. At least several of them were really, really cute. That made it tolerable. For the girls at least. The guys were just tools.
I never realized until Thursday how low and crass you sound when you curse non-stop in completely inappropriate situations. One of the Wachovia guys just dropped f-bombs all over the place while working at a Habitat for Humanity job site in the presence of his bosses and the homeowners...it really just blew my mind how dumb it makes you sound if you keep doing stuff like that; there's a place and time for cursing but when it's really out of line... It just sounds bad. Note to self.
I never realized until Thursday how low and crass you sound when you curse non-stop in completely inappropriate situations. One of the Wachovia guys just dropped f-bombs all over the place while working at a Habitat for Humanity job site in the presence of his bosses and the homeowners...it really just blew my mind how dumb it makes you sound if you keep doing stuff like that; there's a place and time for cursing but when it's really out of line... It just sounds bad. Note to self.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
E-mail to Jeremy on the 2008 Yankees
E-mail to Jeremy about the New York Yankees that - rather succinctly - expresses my feelings on the team.
I'm also extremely shocked A-Rod decided to opt out. I totally, completely thought he was going to work out an extension of some sort with NY. I hope to GOD that most of this decision was due to Boras' influence and that A-Rod isn't actually such a greedy, honor-less bastard. In some ways, I'm not disappointed he is leaving but the thought of having to replace his production is really depressing. Watching him this year at times (Baltimore, Cleveland, Boston BAM) will probably go down as some of my favorite Yankee memories of all time. I know for sure that right now they are certainly at the top of my list. Seriously, I giggled/whoknowswhatelsemaybecreamedmypants when A-Rod hit that fucker off Joe Borowski to win the game at Yankee Stadium. Highlight of 2007 (with the others being graduation from college and Sean telling me he was gay, hilarious). On the flipside, I am looking forward to the possibility of A-Rod stepping up to the plate with 2 outs, 2 men on, and down by 2, batting in the middle of the Angels lineup and having Joba/Mo strike him out with a chest high fastball at 96+ mph. GOD THAT WOULD BE SO AMAZING.
On another note, I'm not super worried about the Yankees lineup minus A-Rod. I think his departure and Girardi's return to the NY bench could galvanize a return to more small-ball ways of winning games, which is something that has definitely departed our managerial mindset over the past couple of years (although with Abreu and Damon that changed a little bit...but not much). When healthy, Matsui was one of the best hitters in baseball for the month of July when he went absolutely crazy. Even at the end of the year after quite a precipitous and well-documented slide his stats were not bad. Not great but definitely not bad at all. Damon is the wild-card of the bunch I think; if he can produce at 2006 type levels then I'm definitely not worried. I'm hoping that he was just hampered by injuries like Matsui and that a return to full health will mean a return to form (for both of them). I definitely like Damon in LF though and Matsui DH'ing. First base can be taught and that's where Giambi needs to go; I don't give a fuck how many ground balls and errant throws you have to give to him in practice but he needs to learn how to play first base. I'm willing to lose a couple of runs defensively each year (a couple is an understatement but whatever) playing him over Duncan/Phillips because his bat is SO much better. Maybe Girardi will realize this as he brings a more "new school" approach than Torre ever came close to. I'm afraid (legit afraid) that Posada will have to be re-signed, simply because we have no backup and there's no one on the market that I'd be willing to trade prospects to get over to NY. I'm also afraid he won't take a home team discount seeing as how Torre's departure was handled (which was WAY
overblown by the media...). His production just can't possibly be anywhere near where it was this year, but we'll be paying for that sort of production for the next 2-3 years...not a fan.
I'm also definitely NOT willing to part with any of our top-tier prospects to snag Santana from the Twins. This idea has been bandied about fairly seriously among various Yankee followers and I'm really super duper opposed to it. I don't care how good Santana is/can be. Honestly. The spark and energy that Joba/Hughes/Kennedy/Melky etc bring to the clubhouse can really not be put into words. I get SO fired up watching Joba and Hughes pitch, so much so that I can't imagine the way I'd feel about Santana. Sure he's an absolutely amazing pitcher but I would honestly rather have those two on my team. Thinking about trading any of those guys, but especially Joba and Hughes makes me want to vomit in my mouth. A lot of vomit. That would spill out onto my body. Gross.
I'm still not sure it'd be a great idea to trade Moose yet. Not sure what he can provide, but I feel like until he truly has worn out his welcome in NY...it'd just be a bad idea. I wouldn't be super opposed to the trade but it would have to be someone pretty effin sweet to go through with it. If I were Cashman, of course. I don't know how you did this, because he is so good and such a hard worker, but you forgot about Pavano. How good can he be? OH WAIT he'll never pitch for the Yankees ever again because he's a huge fucking pussy that can't do shit on the mound but still makes an ass-fuck-ton of money. God he pisses me off.
Anyway. Go Yankees
I'm also extremely shocked A-Rod decided to opt out. I totally, completely thought he was going to work out an extension of some sort with NY. I hope to GOD that most of this decision was due to Boras' influence and that A-Rod isn't actually such a greedy, honor-less bastard. In some ways, I'm not disappointed he is leaving but the thought of having to replace his production is really depressing. Watching him this year at times (Baltimore, Cleveland, Boston BAM) will probably go down as some of my favorite Yankee memories of all time. I know for sure that right now they are certainly at the top of my list. Seriously, I giggled/whoknowswhatelsemaybecreamedmypants when A-Rod hit that fucker off Joe Borowski to win the game at Yankee Stadium. Highlight of 2007 (with the others being graduation from college and Sean telling me he was gay, hilarious). On the flipside, I am looking forward to the possibility of A-Rod stepping up to the plate with 2 outs, 2 men on, and down by 2, batting in the middle of the Angels lineup and having Joba/Mo strike him out with a chest high fastball at 96+ mph. GOD THAT WOULD BE SO AMAZING.
On another note, I'm not super worried about the Yankees lineup minus A-Rod. I think his departure and Girardi's return to the NY bench could galvanize a return to more small-ball ways of winning games, which is something that has definitely departed our managerial mindset over the past couple of years (although with Abreu and Damon that changed a little bit...but not much). When healthy, Matsui was one of the best hitters in baseball for the month of July when he went absolutely crazy. Even at the end of the year after quite a precipitous and well-documented slide his stats were not bad. Not great but definitely not bad at all. Damon is the wild-card of the bunch I think; if he can produce at 2006 type levels then I'm definitely not worried. I'm hoping that he was just hampered by injuries like Matsui and that a return to full health will mean a return to form (for both of them). I definitely like Damon in LF though and Matsui DH'ing. First base can be taught and that's where Giambi needs to go; I don't give a fuck how many ground balls and errant throws you have to give to him in practice but he needs to learn how to play first base. I'm willing to lose a couple of runs defensively each year (a couple is an understatement but whatever) playing him over Duncan/Phillips because his bat is SO much better. Maybe Girardi will realize this as he brings a more "new school" approach than Torre ever came close to. I'm afraid (legit afraid) that Posada will have to be re-signed, simply because we have no backup and there's no one on the market that I'd be willing to trade prospects to get over to NY. I'm also afraid he won't take a home team discount seeing as how Torre's departure was handled (which was WAY
overblown by the media...). His production just can't possibly be anywhere near where it was this year, but we'll be paying for that sort of production for the next 2-3 years...not a fan.
I'm also definitely NOT willing to part with any of our top-tier prospects to snag Santana from the Twins. This idea has been bandied about fairly seriously among various Yankee followers and I'm really super duper opposed to it. I don't care how good Santana is/can be. Honestly. The spark and energy that Joba/Hughes/Kennedy/Melky etc bring to the clubhouse can really not be put into words. I get SO fired up watching Joba and Hughes pitch, so much so that I can't imagine the way I'd feel about Santana. Sure he's an absolutely amazing pitcher but I would honestly rather have those two on my team. Thinking about trading any of those guys, but especially Joba and Hughes makes me want to vomit in my mouth. A lot of vomit. That would spill out onto my body. Gross.
I'm still not sure it'd be a great idea to trade Moose yet. Not sure what he can provide, but I feel like until he truly has worn out his welcome in NY...it'd just be a bad idea. I wouldn't be super opposed to the trade but it would have to be someone pretty effin sweet to go through with it. If I were Cashman, of course. I don't know how you did this, because he is so good and such a hard worker, but you forgot about Pavano. How good can he be? OH WAIT he'll never pitch for the Yankees ever again because he's a huge fucking pussy that can't do shit on the mound but still makes an ass-fuck-ton of money. God he pisses me off.
Anyway. Go Yankees
Monday, October 29, 2007
Homecoming
So the Red Menace and I boldly invaded Williamsburg last Wednesday evening for one reason only: to have as much fun as humanly possible for 5 days. Following said debacle I can satisfyingly say that the trip was a resounding success.
I imbibed so much over the course of Homecoming that I feel like I should be hungover for at least a week. Fortunately for me, my body loves me and decided to fore go that unpleasantly and just skip to the euphoria and elation one may experience after a singularly succesful weekend. Staying in the ol' apartment and no longer being a resident was somewhat weird, but the massive dude-fest that was the first floor living room certainly satisfied any pre-existing sexual urges I may or may not have been experiencing in the weeks leading up to HC. I'm not sure of the exact count, but I feel safe in saying that at least 7-10 guys were packed into what may be a 15' by 15' room. It was tight.
Building houses will - at least for a bit - be a big letdown after doing absolutely nothing but get-hammered-for-5-days-straight this past HC. How many can a person legitimately go to and not feel depressed about their life? I plan on testing those boundaries...
I imbibed so much over the course of Homecoming that I feel like I should be hungover for at least a week. Fortunately for me, my body loves me and decided to fore go that unpleasantly and just skip to the euphoria and elation one may experience after a singularly succesful weekend. Staying in the ol' apartment and no longer being a resident was somewhat weird, but the massive dude-fest that was the first floor living room certainly satisfied any pre-existing sexual urges I may or may not have been experiencing in the weeks leading up to HC. I'm not sure of the exact count, but I feel safe in saying that at least 7-10 guys were packed into what may be a 15' by 15' room. It was tight.
Building houses will - at least for a bit - be a big letdown after doing absolutely nothing but get-hammered-for-5-days-straight this past HC. How many can a person legitimately go to and not feel depressed about their life? I plan on testing those boundaries...
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